A Christmas of Memories and Love

I really didn’t know what to expect from this Christmas. I wanted it to be as normal as possible but of course, it wasn’t. An important part of our family, Walter, husband, father, grandfather, brother, friend, pun master, was not here to celebrate with us this year. He loved Christmas and his sense of humor and childlike excitement made it fun. How were we ever to recapture that which was now lost to us?

Despite the melancholy memories of Christmas past that crossed our minds from time to time, we were able to be surrounded by love for each other. This year there were more hugs of reassurance, to remind us “we are still a family”. This year we added to our circle some new friends and acquaintances that felt like a new family. Rather than isolate ourselves, we tried to be inclusive. We felt the love and caring for one another.

We enjoyed the childlike excitement of our grandkids, ages 2 and 4 that was contagious and charming. We played Candyland and Shutes and Ladders, as well as the adult strategic games we have enjoyed in the past.

When the day was over and the giftwrap discarded, we discovered that we still had one more present to give. The day after Christmas, there was a piano dedication for our church in memory of my late husband and his family, who were charter members of the church. It was filled with wonderful hymns, a very practical and encouraging message by the pastor, and a special music by our son and pianist that summed up all that we had experienced that weekend.

Hanging of the Greens

And the pastor announced, “Next week, we will be decorating the church”. All of a sudden my mind flashes back 35 years ago to the Annual “Hanging of the Greens”. Same church, … some of the same people. Instead of the energetic youthful spirits of teenagers, there are energetic senior men climbing ladders to put up Christmas lights and a Christmas angel on top of the tree, and gentle senior women hanging handcrafted ornaments on the branches. There are garlands of green and red flowers wrapped around banisters and pillars near pews. The greenery may not necessarily have that fresh pine and douglas firs smell of old, but the effect was one of beauty and joy. As teens, we used to climb into the Red Van of one of our fellow youth and raid the Christmas tree lots for discarded greenery from trimmed trees. A nighttime Christmas scene was also being built by the Vietnamese church members who now share the church facilities.

I cannot recall when this tradition started, but I remember participating in it with my young friends. In fact, it may be one of the first fun events that drew me to return to this lovely church where I gave my life to follow Christ as my Savior and that gave me a special meaning to celebrate His birth. It was a lovely time and 35 years later was no different. There was much joy and laughter mixed in with some melancholy memories of church members laid to rest or those who have moved on. Of course, I could not help but think about my Walter and how he loved this time of year. 

 Isn’t it amazing?! It made me realize that life will go on and so will Christmas until every day will be celebrated of the Lord’s coming. Emmanuel, God is with US.

Catching Up with Crochet

I know I have been writing more about my family events and my coping in widowhood, but I do have some craft talk to share…..

I have a friend whom I reconnected with, staying in a convalescent care center for an uncertain amount of time. I was very thrilled to know she was crocheting a lot, making lap robes and blankets, to pass the time. I brought her a big bag of acrylic yarn from my stash. It was like watching a child open up presents on Christamas. She was so excited. What a joy!

How interesting to talk about crocheting with a fellow crafter! She shared with me the wish to relearn making granny squares and learn how to make a ripple crochet stitch. I looked among my many books and found one that had patterns for both.

Describing to her how to make the stitches was rather confusing, so I decided to make a swatch for her to follow. It all came back to me as I crocheted that granny square and then the ripple stitch swatch. I suppose I can make them into scarves or something small so that the sample will not be wasted.

Presently, I am forging ahead on my knit friendship shawl, which is almost long enough to cover the shoulders adequately. When it is done, I will crochet an edging and perhaps add some buttons to close it and block it. The feather and fan pattern will show better when blocked.

I am also knitting on some slippers for my grandkids that will be felted. I’m guessing at the size as they should be. They should be larger so as to shrink when felted.

I seem to be finding more time to knit again. I am beginning to settle in a routine. I can only take so much audio input of screaming little voices of my excited grandchildren, before I have to retreat to my quiet sanctuary, plug in a quiet Christmas CD, curl up in my comfy recliner and knit a few minutes before the grandkids discover my hiding place. Ah…..isn’t grandmotherhood glorious!

When Life Gives you Lemons, make lemonade!

I recall people saying “Live each day the fullest. You never know when you can be crossing the street and get hit by a car!” A few days ago this event became very real to me. I was hit by a car crossing the street….well perhaps bumped by a car backing up while parking is the reality and I was knocked down with a jolt. Perhaps I’m being a little overdramatic. There were no serious injuries, just a few bumps and bruises.


I was about to step up to the curb between two parked cars after crossing the street and suddenly I realized I had been hit and was on the ground. I was stunned and thankful to be able stand on my own after a few minutes. I don’t blame the driver. I suppose I was in her blindside. She was more upset than I was, and I was trying to comfort and reassure her.

Some people are beginning to think I am cursed with bad luck, but this is not so. After losing a husband to cancer, having to share my house with son and his family due to multiple difficulties and now this, it would seem that nothing could be worse. However, in fact, I feel more blessed than ever before.

My husband’s loss has allowed me to reconnect with friends that truly care and provide emotional support. I can never be lonely with such active grandchildren around in the house and the accident…..well… perhaps, it is God reminding me to get enough sleep, be alert and take care of myself. The accident could have been worse and wasn’t. As I was lying on the x-ray table, I couldn’t help but miss Walter and think, “Walter should be here”. However, I was comforted by the fact that my son, whom I work with, was there with me now, even braving coming into the exam room with me to give me the support and assistance. How comforting to know that my children are there for me when I need them.

Moving Day

Hitching a ride on the Moving truck with Dad

With Thanksgiving behind us, our focus turned to moving a son and his family in with me. The troops were called out-my 3 sons and sister-in-law, to help pack, tote and load up the moving truck, borrowed from our local storage place. I was assigned Grandma duty---watching the grandkids, ages 2 & 4 and keeping them out of everyone’s way.

I came to the realization that living with two very active grandchildren will have some challenges. Within the first 30 min of arrival at my house, there were spills and wet clothes, changing of clothes (twice), and facilitation of a peaceful solution to an altercation between the two sibs, that seems to happen with frequency to cause one’s head to spin. Nevertheless, this time, it resulted in a lesson on “forgiveness” and so was worth the effort. I have learned a lot about children over the last 20 years as a Head Start Nurse, having gone back to the workforce after my own 3 sons were passed this challenging age. I will get to put into practice a second time the things I learned.

The one thing that doesn’t quite mesh, is that I don’t seem to have the same amount of energy I did 25 years ago. Who would have thought? My heart goes out to all those lovely, brave grandparents of my age or older, trying to raise their grandchildren for whatever reasons. They are the true heros.

Just in the knick of time, the truck carrying the big furniture arrived and we managed to find places, although temporary, for it all. Everyone was exhausted including the kids!

What do we like about moving day?...........Bedtime!!!!!!

A Real Family Thanksgiving 2010

The decision to hostess the family Thanksgiving was not an easy one. No one expected me to do this, having lost my husband four months ago, but I felt I needed to get back to a normal holiday routine. I wondered if I didn't find some joy in this holiday, there was a good chance future Thanksgivings and Christmas may be permanently altered. Of course, I weep for the missing presence of Walter, but I know he would want me to go on with my life in the best way I could manage. Life goes on, and what better way to convince ourselves of this fact, than getting together with family. My sons have always considered holidays for family. and this year "Home for the Holidays" should take on a special meaning of "togetherness". So the invitations went out and everyone I invited accepted-----all 18 people!

I really wanted to make this Thanksgiving special and went all out to decorate and cook the main dishes of turkey and ham. Preparing for it, like preparing for Walter’s memorial, was very therapeutic for me. Holidays seem to be hard when you lose a loved one. Although there were times to shed tears, I kept very busy with preparations without much time to think and grieve. Working from dawn to bedtime helped me sleep well enough for each new day. I saw my goal and went to work completing it.

It all paid off in a lovely Thanksgiving potluck, warmly and deliciously contributed by all. We had more food than we could eat. We had good conversation, played some fun games and even had my 4 yr old granddaughter make some crafts with the help of my dear friend. There were lots of giggles and smiles as contestants exchanged socks, danced while humming a tune, held a silver spoon in their mouth (I bet you thought people were born with this---wink!) and had lively debate on whether you would give up kissing or saying “I love you”, and whether you would rather have “smart” children or “beautiful” children. It was the best family time I've had in a long time.  I love my family and our friends felt like family, as well. Everything seemed to click together.

How blessed we all felt. God is indeed good! In the words of Tiny Tim, “God Bless us, Everyone!”

To store or not to store. That is the question!

The clock struck 4:00…then 4:30. “I really need to go home”, I thought to myself. Yet, with a whole week off for Thanksgiving I just had to wrap a few things up at work. Finally, 4:45 p.m. I’m done.


So….you know the thing about best laid plans are…..that they are likely to change, and yes, mine were disrupted and I had to go to a back up plan. All week I have been trying to clean out my house so my son and his family could move in. Both my son and I had to downsize our belongings and I decided to have a yarn (oops Freudian slip there) yard sale. On Wednesday prior, I go to the City Hall to get a permit for my Yard Sale and this is where I first hear that the forecast is for rain this weekend. I check the weather report every day and by Friday at 4:45 there is an 80% chance for rain starting that night.

RAIN!!!!.....Where am I going to put all this stuff for the Yard Sale? For weeks, I have been slowly boxing up stuff ready to sell and now my garage is full, my house is full, I can’t have a yard sale and I am planning to host Thanksgiving for 18 people. I decide to call out the troups…….my sister-in-law and sons. I decided to rent a storage space nearby and they help me load up the yard sale stuff.

One problem…….I still have a lot of stuff, the stuff I planned to keep still in the house and the garage is full. My sister-in-law has a heart-to-heart talk with me. “You are dreaming if you think you are going to find places for this stuff and have enough room for 18 people for Thanksgiving and your son’s family move in”. I guess I really needed a reality check.

Why is it so hard to let go of things? Believe it or not the things I was most protective of was my fiber stash! The wool fleeces, the lbs and lbs of roving, the hand-spun yarn patiently hand spun on my spinning wheel. There was no way I was going to do anything with it all in the next few weeks. I was so protective and feared moth and silverfish infestation, which is the anathema of fiberholics. I previously had a beautiful prize fleece disintegrate into crumbs while being stored in the garage for a few months. I could just imagine those silverfish feasting hungrily on the fleece with regret. So I gathered up a little faith and lots of courage, had the fiber double bagged in plastic, and waved goodbye with a tear in my eye, to the car loaded with my fiber, driving down the street to storage. Later that day, my family and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie and saw ads for a new cable show about Storage Auction. I think to myself, someone is going to be very disappointed if they ever auction my storage……I hope they like fiber!

I grieve that I hardly had time to get used to all the space and freedom I had, after moving all my sons out and then loosing Walter, and now I think I need to start all over again. I can kiss the 31-year accumulation good-bye. I’m back to living in a one-room bedroom. Some have said that the purging is  good for the soul. I’m not sure I see that yet. I feel this is the start of a very difficult series of events and changes I will need to go through. I’m missing my husband. However, I am glad to be having family and friends come together to celebrate Thanksgiving.

I count my blessings and Thank God for a wonderful church family. Today we had the annual Church Homecoming. I sent out an invite and several responded and came. It was so nice to see them again. I really want to stay in touch. Life and time is too precious to waste. I realize I need to make more time to develop friendships.