Saturday, October 30, 2010

Grief work

I have been staring at my blog for the past 15 minutes realizing that I should write something soon. Some may be wondering how I am doing and others may be more interested in knowing what kind of fibery insights I may have to share. I do not have much to tell except that I am doing well.

I feel the pain of my grieving is getting less as I have passed the 3-month mark. There are moments that I miss Walter and I encounter things that trigger tears and sadness of him not being here, but I am learning to accept my situation more and move on.

As I get through the widow’s work of figuring out the paperwork associated with insurance, and financial settlements, I am feeling more confident. I have learned so much in a short period of time about insurance and IRA’s than I care to, but it is necessary to my survival, especially in these low economic times.

My work continues to be all consuming, as I struggle to add more management responsibilities to my all already overwhelming work responsibilities. I suppose I should feel good that my boss feels I am capable of doing the work, regardless of my loss. However, I have had to force myself not to take work home, as I need this time for me and my grief work. It becomes a shaky balance.

In thinking about grief, I realize we ALL do some kind of grieving in our lives. Everytime we have a disappointment or a loss of some kind whether it be personal, physical, relational or an object, some part of us not only feels sad, but it can cause a little part of us to die with it. Some of it can be resurrected and healed and others cannot. This means it is all part of the cycle of life and we should not hide from it but face it head on. When we do this, it may help us get through it quicker.

So my overall objective is to find “Joy” in life. Even our trials can be considered joyful. How? You might ask? Last Sunday, our teacher/pastor mentioned a Bible scripture, “Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever, you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4”. What a profound thought!

On the fibery front, I am getting ready to sort out my very large fiber collection and get rid of some of it. I must make room for my son and his family to move in, and I grieve the loss of my fiber storage places in our two spare bedroom. Nevertheless, it must happen and I will need to be selective as to what to keep for my projects. I am still working on my Friendship shawl from the fall issue of Spin-Off Magazine. My goal is to finish by Christmas.

With the holidays around the corner, I am looking forward to them. I love to have family around. Holidays are the times everyone comes home to rest and relax. I want to keep that tradition as long as possible and hope that it will continue to renew our peace and love for each other.

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